sing my soul.
I want to share. I want to express.
choke. swallow. stop. how? with who? where? in what language!? gulp! gosh darn!
So. I have been loving a new special time in my life: Thursday afternoons I take a voice lesson.
Its been amazing to feel my voice move inside me, feel it soar or crack, push it up or down, coo softly, or wail with delight. To feel the many sides of singing, the many tones and colors of my voice.
My dad, well he is a boomer.
And I am not talking about a baby boomer. I always say I can pick him out of a crowd just by his voice. If we ever arrived late to church with mom, all we would have to do is wait for the hymn sing, and I could find dad in seconds. His voice is definitive, operatic, confident, strong, goosebump worthy, and… well, LOUD.
One thing my voice teacher has been working with me on is singing softer. I always tend to go to the loud parts, to go to the fullest feeling of the singing. I think it is because I want to FEEL myself singing – feel like Im really doing it! Maybe singing loudly comes from a need to feel the limits, to know its there… my voice. To feel that I exist, that I can shout, that I can shake a room or vibrate in my body.
Its a new feeling. ….I do have to be reminded again and again. “Softer Ashley.”
So here on this blog, my heart whispers. I listen, I speak, I write …not too loudly.
Sometimes i feel it isn’t enough. I feel limited. “I should be writing in spanish,” I think. But up until now, it is flowing in english. So I might as well not force too much, and just let it out how it comes.
Flow. Sing. Coo. Oh, I am so happy for my dad and his booming ways. He is the best boomer I know! And how my heart longs to boom onto my tongue and be able to fill a room with eager listeners, to make a difference, to shout from the rooftops.
but then I realize something.
maybe I can’t be a boomer to do what my heart is calling for.
maybe its more the gentle whispers that will touch hearts,
that will land in the ears of the sleeping dreamer
that will pull out the desires of radiant ladies
that will bring the mind back to the body
that will guide
that will open
that will support
that will enfuse
that will wait
that will nourish
Softly Ashley. Softly.
So friends…What is something this weekend, that you can do softly? Do share, I would love to hear your songs.
p.s. Thank you Jen for all your loving teachings!